i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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