We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
