Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
