Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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