Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
