It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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