My room smells like vodka and shame
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
