grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
