She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
