god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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