I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize
