Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
