Well apparently he's into motor boating.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
