and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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