I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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