Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
