I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
