1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
