You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
