umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
