So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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