I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
