Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
