There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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