I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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