i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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