Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
