i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
