thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
