i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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