Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
