do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
