I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Rumble strips road head = magical
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
