just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
