i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
