does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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