Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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