i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
