I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
