Im at strip club and am horny
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
bring money and cleavage
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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