I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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