WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
