you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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