The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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