You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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