in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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