I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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