so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
