Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
