check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
