Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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