so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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